Adolescence: Tasks, Risks and Tips

Adolescence is a time of growth, but to grow, we need to let go. Hence, the first task of adolescence is to let go of childhood. Some teens struggle with their desire to continue to be dependent on their parents, while others want to break free and become adults as fast as possible. But generally, adolescents want to be treated as adults while at the same time want to be cared for as children.

The most important task during adolescence is developing an identity: becoming our own selves and defining who we are. It starts with a search for independence and intimacy. And progresses towards a feeling of omnipotence and autonomy; at this time, finding identity in groups and belonging are very important. As adolescence ends, separation from the group defines individual interests and traits.

Finding our identity is a HUGE and difficult task, and in this pursuit, we might encounter many obstacles. It is easy to get lost while trying to find yourself, providing many risks for depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. Luckily, during adolescence, we have our parents to help guide us and, more importantly, help guard us. Parents should keep their eyes open and know when not to intervene, when to offer help, and when to seek professional help.

Changes in sleeping and eating habits might be outward symbols of deeper troubles. Excessive eating and sleeping are as serious as weight loss and insomnia. Significant drops in academic performance or attendance are also red flags that frequently get noticed in schools. Physical health is a good indicator of psychological health; changes in menstruation and increased physical complaints, such as headaches or stomachaches, are signs to observe. Risky behavior and dramatic changes in behavior, personality, and appearance might also be non- verbal messages signaling something is wrong. Feelings of deep sadness, lasting irritability, anger or rage, changes in motivation, and talking about suicide are signs that need to be addressed by a professional. Adolescents might not speak with words, but they speak loudly with their behavior and emotions, and their parents’ job is to hear their message.

Although adolescents seem to want distance and are squeamish with affection, they need their parents to show they love them. The keyword here is show, not say, they love them, but show it with their actions, as adolescents communicate through behavior and not words. Spending time with teens away from conflict discussions and talking without judgment is a good way to express love.

A key part of the parents’ work during adolescence is providing clear limits. These limits must be concise, specific and might need to be kept in writing, but they also need to be reasonable and parents should be ready to explain them. Limits help adolescents know what to expect and that there are consequences for their actions. Follow-through is crucial because if parents don’t keep their word, neither will their teens. As for consequences it is better to focus on rewards as according to research they work better than punishment. So, focus on what is working, focus on what you want to see more of.

The final, and probably the most important, tip for parents is to set a positive example. Teenagers will follow your actions, not your words. As you help them let go of their childhood, you must also let them go and help them develop their independence. A difficult task, so recognize your own feelings and find someone to share your trials and accomplishments with.